Can I still have sex with my ex?

I’ve been single for the past 12 months and I’m really enjoying having my freedom and meeting all sorts of different guys. As yet, I haven’t met anyone that I really connect with, but I’m really keen to get into a long-term relationship. While this has been going on, I’ve also been having regular sex with my ex. About once a week we’ll get together for a late night romp, usually at my apartment, and then he’ll leave and we go about getting on with our lives. We went out previously for about 18 months, but he didn’t want to settle down and loved to party too much so we called it off. He’s still not seeing anyone, and we’re both very upfront that this will stop if either of us meet someone special. I don’t see a problem with it, but my friends think it’s holding me back. What do you think?

Your friends are right. Continuing to have sex with your ex is a big problem because you’ve said you want to get into a long-term relationship. The bottom line is, no new guy is going to be interested in you if you’re still sleeping with your ex on a weekly basis. You’re not available and you’re hanging onto the past! Now if you really want commitment, then you need to get tough and let go and stop all contact with him. Emotionally and physically, you need to free yourself of him altogether and be ready to welcome someone new into your life. So here’s the challenge for you. If he really doesn’t mean anything to you and you really want a commitment, then it should be easy for you to stop all contact today. Ring him up and tell him it’s been fun, but you’re serious about finding someone special that can give you something long-term. However, if you can’t do that, then you’ve still got feelings for him and you need to acknowledge this and talk to him about this. If he still wants no commitment with you then move on. If he’s changed his mind, tread carefully and see if you can do it differently second time around.

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