Can it work again with an ex?

I’ve been single for the last 18 months and dating different guys but I seem to keep comparing them all with my ex boyfriend. To be totally honest, I haven’t really let him go and we still spend a lot of time together. We catch –up for weekly coffees, go to movies, socialize with the same friends, and rely on each other for advice and support. I’m starting to think we should get back together, but I’m worried that things might go back to the way it was when we were together. He worked long hours, tended to binge drink with his friends in the week-ends, and wasn’t keen on discussing future goals. I know we’re still really keen on each other, and we’ve even had sex on several occasions since we broke up. Do you think it can work again with an ex?

Yes there’s every chance it can work out with an ex. The key is to make sure that you’ve addressed what was broken before, so that you have a new and fresh relationship second time around. Old habits and problems must be changed, and you need to move in a totally different direction. What this means is sitting down with your ex and having a clear discussion before you get back together. During this conversation you must find out your feelings for each other (you both need to be in love), understand what went wrong in the past, and importantly identify what needs to change for it to be different in the future? You have to both be on the same page and agree with what issues have to be addressed for it to move forward. On his side, he needs to target his work hours, binge drinking and future goals. What do you need to address? Once this is agreed upon, start dating again and acting differently. Don’t move things along too quickly and keep the sex out of it for awhile to see if the changes are for real. If you’re getting on better than ever before, over a consistent period time, then step it up.

Please feel free to send your questions and comments to John Aiken.
By sending in your question you consent to them being published on the John Aiken Advice website.

Due to time restrictions, John Aiken will not be able to answer all questions. However, any consultation and information provided to addressee(s)/recipient(s) by John Aiken and Johnaikenadvice.com is based solely on the specific information given to John Aiken by the addressee(s), and is in no way to replace the advice the addressee(s)/recipient(s) may obtain from a medical practitioner, legal consultant, therapist, other health practitioner, related discipline professional, or common sense, personal values, needs, boundaries and information. With receipt of any email, including all content, addressee(s)/recipient(s) indemnify both John Aiken, Johnaikenadvice.com, or any other party, against any injuries, loss, or problems to the addressee(s)/recipient(s).

JComments