How do I break it off gently?

I’ve been going out with a guy for the last 6 months and I’ve come to realise that he’s just not the one. We met through friends and we seemed to connect straight away and he made me laugh. He’s a nice guy – he gets on well with all my friends, he rings and texts when he says he will, and he’s easy to talk to. Unfortunately, I’m not that attracted to him, and I often feel like he’s a friend not a lover. He’s always treated me with respect, and I get a sense that he’s put me on a pedestal and is happy to do anything for me. I now have to break it off with him, but I don’t want to hurt his feelings. If I’m totally honest, I’ve been trying to get out of it for the last 2 months but just find it so hard to break-up. Is there any way I can do this gently and maybe still stay friends?

It’s good to know that you’re considering his feelings, but in the end you’re going to need to take an honest approach that will create pain for him. There’s no escaping this because he’s clearly in love with you. Remember this – short term pain – long term gain. You’re going to need to have a conversation with him now, and in the long run you’ll both be better off for it. Do not keep dragging this out, and do it in person – he deserves this. When you have this face to face, be prepared for tears, and for plenty of questions. He’s going to want to know “the why’s”. The better you handle this conversation, the easier it will be for you both to let go and move forward. Tell him you don’t have the same feelings for him, you’re not in love and you don’t want to string it out anymore. Avoid using excuses like “I’ve got a lot on my plate right now”; “I’m confused”; “I need space”; or “I’m not ready to commit right now”. This gives him hope and sends out a mixed signal. Once you’ve had the conversation, stop all contact for a month. I know this is severe, but it allows both of you to move forward with no misunderstanding. After this, friendship is off the cards if he still has feelings for you. However, if he is able to let you go, a friendship may be possible but it won’t be as close as it was.

Please feel free to send your questions and comments to John Aiken.
By sending in your question you consent to them being published on the John Aiken Advice website.

Due to time restrictions, John Aiken will not be able to answer all questions. However, any consultation and information provided to addressee(s)/recipient(s) by John Aiken and Johnaikenadvice.com is based solely on the specific information given to John Aiken by the addressee(s), and is in no way to replace the advice the addressee(s)/recipient(s) may obtain from a medical practitioner, legal consultant, therapist, other health practitioner, related discipline professional, or common sense, personal values, needs, boundaries and information. With receipt of any email, including all content, addressee(s)/recipient(s) indemnify both John Aiken, Johnaikenadvice.com, or any other party, against any injuries, loss, or problems to the addressee(s)/recipient(s).

JComments