What happened to our sex life?

I’ve been married for the last 7 years to my wonderful wife and we now have one gorgeous 3 year-old boy. I had heard rumours that the sex side of things would drop away – but I didn’t realize it would hit us this hard! We used to have sex around three times a week, but now that we’ve got a child and I’ve got a promotion at work, it seems like we’re simply parents not lovers anymore. In fact, I don’t think we’ve had sex for the past 2 months, and we’re both so busy now that it’s hard to even get time to talk about it. We’re still really in love with each other, but it seems to have simply become less of a priority for the both of us. Is this normal and what can we do to turn it around?

Absolutely it’s normal. Anyone who’s had kids will tell you that their entire life changes completely and everything becomes a juggling act. This can see sex placed on the backburner. Instead, your focus turns to planning the day ahead and working in with child routines, keeping on top of domestics, continuing to fulfill work commitments, running errands, and trying to be the best parent you can be. Unfortunately, this can often see the couple lose their connection and the sex and intimacy becomes a thing of the past. You need to make a point of re-engaging as a couple. Start by scheduling a date night in once a week, have dinner together on a weekly basis without the TV on, and pull back on socializing with friends in the week-end so you can spend more one on one time together. Also, try to go to bed at the same time, initiate affection with your partner and constantly praise her. Finally, sit down and agree on a schedule for weekly sex, and talk about what you both want (turn on’s and turn off’s), what needs to be different, and how can you be more romantic with each other. It might sound a bit clinical, but once you start prioritizing the couple and putting time aside for sex, the intimacy is going to come flooding back and you’ll get a great balance again.

Please feel free to send your questions and comments to John Aiken.
By sending in your question you consent to them being published on the John Aiken Advice website.

Due to time restrictions, John Aiken will not be able to answer all questions. However, any consultation and information provided to addressee(s)/recipient(s) by John Aiken and Johnaikenadvice.com is based solely on the specific information given to John Aiken by the addressee(s), and is in no way to replace the advice the addressee(s)/recipient(s) may obtain from a medical practitioner, legal consultant, therapist, other health practitioner, related discipline professional, or common sense, personal values, needs, boundaries and information. With receipt of any email, including all content, addressee(s)/recipient(s) indemnify both John Aiken, Johnaikenadvice.com, or any other party, against any injuries, loss, or problems to the addressee(s)/recipient(s).

JComments