“Do you find yourself thinking that the grass is greener?”
“Have you started to pick fights all the time with your partner?”
“Is sex and affection a thing of the past?”
“Do you try to avoid spending time together and do you go to bed at different times?”
“Have you noticed strong feelings for someone else?”
“Are you guilty of always talking negatively about your relationship to friends and family?”
It’s a bad place to be. Stuck in a relationship with a person who you’re not sure about. You try to commit and invest in the relationship, but you have lingering doubts and your actions tend to push them away rather than make them feel special. You tell yourself that you just have to ride it out and that things will get better, but they don’t, and you continue to get anxious about the future.
At this time it’s important to stop and look at the clear signs that tell you the relationship has run its course. These will have been around for a while, and keep creating friction and arguments between the two of you. It might be that you no longer have the same feelings and can’t tell them you love them anymore. It could be that your actions keep hurting them and keep them at arm’s length. Or else, you could be plagued with destructive thoughts that simply don’t allow you to look at the relationship in a positive way. Whatever the case, these signs will be loud and clear, and will give you the evidence you need to know it’s time to move on.
The 5 signs that your relationship is over:
1) Negative Talk
When your relationship is over you’ll notice that the way you talk to your partner will change. Gone will be respect and praise, and instead there will be plenty of criticism, contempt and sarcasm. You’ll pick fights with them, point out their flaws and mistakes, you’ll stop saying sorry and tend to blame them for everything, and you may begin to talk over them and interrupt them. You may also become guilty of putting them down in public, talking negatively about their family and friends, and generally have no patience for them.
2) Lack of time together
As your relationship deteriorates, the amount of time you want to spend together will become less and less. The days of week-ends away, holidays together, dates nights, Sunday brunches and lazy sleep in’s will be gone. Instead, you’ll have created a life filled with separate activities and friends. You’ll want to go out and socialize separately, put work before your partner, do fitness on your own, and spend hours in singular activities like watching TV, playing Xbox, reading the paper, surfing the net and listening to music. You’ll simply develop a life that doesn’t involve them anymore.
3) No sex and affection
When the relationship is over, so goes the sex life! It’s hard to get turned on by your partner when you don’t like talking to them or spending time together! Instead, you’ll become physically distant. No more hand holding, cuddles on the couch, stroking their hair, massages or walking arm and arm down the street together. Nor will there be adventurous spur of the moment mind blowing sex! Instead, you’ll keep your distance and make up excuses for this, and start to go to bed at different times.
4) Negative feelings
As the relationship dies, you’ll notice that you’ll lose your feelings for them. Where once you had strong and deep feelings of love and appreciation for them, these will have been replaced with boredom, irritation, repulsion, disrespect or anger. These negative feelings will be around most days, and this will drive you more and more to want to get out. When they tell you they’re still in love – you simply cannot say it back. Any thoughts of getting engaged, married, having kids, creating a joint financial account or buying property together will fill you fear and dread.
5) Dwell on being single
When your relationship is over your thoughts will turn to getting out and moving on to someone different. This will see you fantasise about being single, think about new potential love interests, and focus on goals for yourself moving forward alone (e.g. travel, career, apartment, friendships etc.). Your thoughts will also tend to focus on the flaws of your current partner, their past baggage and the ways in which they’re totally wrong for you. For you now, the grass is always greener.
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