“Are you often feeling pressured to have sex on dates?”
“Do you get worried that saying no to sex might turn off a potential love interest?”
“Does having casual sex make you feel used and bad about yourself?”
“Are you guilty of having sex just to try and keep someone interested in you?”
“Do you often regret having sex too soon?”
Being single means you’ll be constantly faced with the question of when to have sex with a person that you’re interested in. It should be an exciting time, when you’re both ready to explore each other physically and enjoys the highs of first time sex. However for many, it’s a situation that fills you with dread as you’re not quite ready to be intimate with this person, and you’re not sure what will happen in the future. Will they still be keen or will they move on to their next conquest?
What makes this even more difficult, is that often the person will put pressure on you to get this happening sooner rather than later. If you say no or hold off, then you may be on the receiving end of negative comments suggesting that there’s something wrong with you, you’re frigid or prudish, and you don’t understand how a proper relationship works!! This only creates more anxiety and confusion, and sometimes you’ll just give in so that you don’t feel like you’re disappointing the other person, only to find out a week later that they’ve dumped you and moved on to someone else!!!
Well, it’s time to get clear about how soon you should have sex when you’re in the dating game. You need to respect yourself and realize that if someone is really keen on you- then they’ll be prepared to wait until you’re ready. If they’re pressuring you – then they’re not the one. Regardless of how much they want to blame you – it’s their problem and they need to get on board with your time line.
1) Do they constantly pressure you for sex
It’s important that you know that the person you’re dating is interested in having a relationship rather than just having sex. As you go through the dating process, if they’re constantly talking about having sex with you, trying to make a move on you and expressing their frustration with your ‘no sex policy’ – then they only want one thing. Sex! If they’re putting on the pressure – move on.
2) Do they talk to you positively
They way a date talks to you is a great indication of how things will look as time goes on. A potential love interest needs to make you feel special, give you compliments and praise, and ask you questions. They need to let you finish talking and acknowledge your position rather than shut you down. They also need to talk positively about you to their family and friends and build you up in public. This gives you confidence to be yourself around them, and you can be open and honest in your communication. If this isn’t there, then keep your clothes on and look for something better.
3) Do they get on with your friends
Before getting naked with a potential love interest, consider how they interact with your friends. You don’t want a situation whereby you have to hide this person away because they’re can’t get on with your friends. You don’t want to babysit them at parties, and you don’t want to have to let go of your close friends just to be with this new person. Put simply, if they don’t get on – then get out!
4) Do they follow through with plans and promises
You need to know where you stand with someone before you start having sex with them. That means they need to show you that they’re reliable and trustworthy. They should ring, text and email, be punctual, organise dates, make decisions and follow through with plans. You need to be able to contact them and feel confident that that you’re a priority in their life. If on the other hand, you find yourself waiting around all the time, not sure if they’re really interested and being let down by broken promises, then wait for someone else who can follow through.
5) Do you both have feelings for each other
Rather than jumping into bed too soon, take a little time to see if you have strong feelings for this person. There’s lots of singles out there that end up having sex knowing that they’re not really that interested in the first place. It might be they’re not attracted to them, find them boring, have no common interests, don’t like their friends, or think they’re too sleazy. Whatever the case, if you’re dating someone and you don’t have strong feelings for them then forget the sex and wait for someone else who does turn you on.
For more advice and free relationship tips go to www.johnaikenadvice.com